Archive for category Humour

George W Bush:Intelligence Personified!

The US Congressional Elections are scheduled to take place on November 7. Hearing of these  elections reminded me of the closely contested Presidential elections of 2000 between George W Bush and Al Gore and while 2004 pitted Bush against John Kerry. All 435 seats will be contested in the House of Representatives with the Republicans holding a clear advantage of 231 to 203 over the Democrats with 1 seat being held by an independant. The Democrats are favoured to gain control despite the large differential for this part of congress. However the senate race seems to be much closer with the Democrats making a firm push to regain a majority, something they last had in 2003. As of now the GOP(republicans) have a 55-44 edge over the dems with 1 independant member. 33 seats will be contested(18 of which are held by Democrats and 15 by Republicans) and forecasters predict that 8 seats have been all but wrapped up by the dems (of which Hilary Clinton’s New York seat is included. This will surely be a stepping stone for a 2008 presidential bid) while the GOP have 6 certain wins. Out of the remaining 19 races 13 seem to be leaning towards the democrats while just 3 are leaning towards the GOP with 3 being completely unpredictable. Out of these 3 the dems would need to win one to reach the magical 50, hence gaining control of the senate. This might seem as a surprise to most people as the GOP intented to spend $60 million on this campaign, nearly $48 million more than the Democrats.

All this aside it was the ’00 and ’04 elections that really made me numb. I’ve compiled some of George W Bush’s famous sayings before and after he became President to help everyone reading this understand why.

“It isn’t pollution that is harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”
Pinpointing one of the many problems that we are facing today.

“Do you have blacks, too?”
To Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Nov 2001.

“Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.”
Highlighting the problem with the United States education system.

“This foreign policy stuff is a little bit frustrating.”
Telling us the down side of Presidency.

“If the terriers and bariffs are broken down, this economy will grow.”
I’m not sure what bariffs are(tariffs)! But killing dogs will surely help the US economy.

“One word sums up probably the responsibility of any governor, and that one word is ‘to be prepared.”
At least his maths isn’t that bad.

“I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don’t always agree with them.”
I hadn’t realized that he was such an intellectual.

“I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn’t here.”
Wow this guy’s superman.

“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people and neither do we.”
That’s why the public voted for you George.

“I would still invade Iraq, even if Iraq never existed.”
Perhaps less money would have been wasted with this scenario.

“A lower voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.”
Really!

Best of the Rest

“We’re concerned about AIDS inside our White House – make no mistake about it.”

“If you’re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.”

“The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.”

“We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe.”

“For NASA, space is still a high priority.”

“[It’s] time for the human race to enter the solar system.”

“I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican”

“The primary component of gasoline is crude oil.”

….and summing it up quite nicely

“I admit it, I am not one of the great linguists.”

These quotes were spoken by a man who got a B.A from Yale followed up by an M.B.A from Harvard. He is the current President of the United States and received more than 50 million votes by the American public in 2000 and got more than 62 million votes in the 2004 race. This is indeed a strange world.

Asher Gilani FY

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Loadshedding is brought to you by KESC!

A humorous report on the problems created by our city’s one and only electric cooperation! 

I felt someone touching my foot. It was my 10 year old nephew waking me up at 1:36 a.m “oh no reason,” he said, “just wanted to tell you that the power’s been cut off, there is no electricity. You can go back to sleep now.”What an idiot. I think he memorized the curse words that my mouth uttered next.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep, so I trudged downstairs to power the generator and heroically save the day–or the night.

I woke up my gate keeper so he could give me the keys to the generator. I think I grasped a few of the curse words in pushto. After a couple of unsuccessful tries of trying to power on the generator, I smelled something burning. The generator had burned out.

That night I learned that if I curse loudly enough from the groundfloor, the sound could travel till the master bedroom–at the second floor.

As I lay uselessly on the terrace, I thought.
I thought about how privatisation of the KARACHI ELECTRIC SUPPLY CORPORATION had done no good to the welfare of the common citizen.
I thought about how the situation of this community could be improved, about what I would write in my letter to the mayor.
I thought about about how newspapers report the inefficency of the corporation but about how no one takes action.
I tought about how I would strangle the person that told me there are no mosquitos in September.

Finally the Power came back on at about 2:24 a.m, and I rushed into my room, turned on my fan and then jumped into my bed. And I realized a something.

That sweaty people under the fan don’t need Air conditioning that much!

Habib Maya FY-R

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